Thursday, July 28, 2005

Adoption 11: RACE...CUPCAKE & CRACKER



I've never felt uncomfortable having a Black/brown Baby..except that I'm very aware that people notice us. I prefer a life that is different or interesting and full of good stories than a "typical" life. As my brother said when we adopted her, "You sure do things the hard way." He did feel very self-conscious holding her at the park one day.

In fact, I've used our "racial" differences to enlighten, entertain, and inform, the same way I did with our son who has Down syndrome. I've never taken offense to questions, such as, "Is she yours?" My typical response, "Well, my wife says she is.....but, we have a friend Emma looks like.....she wouldn't lie to me would she?" and then I watch their jaws drop as they're thinking something along the lines of "you poor dumb bastard."

When my little cousin, who is white, said, "She looks like a cupcake with chocolate frosting on top," I responded, "well, if she's cupcake, I'm cracker."

A lot of Black folks look at her because she's such a doll, and I like to lean over and say, "I know what you're wanting to know..." implying that their wondering is she my bio/or adopted or is my wife Black....and then I say, "you wanna know how such an ugly guy ended up with such a beautiful girl!"

I figure that by sharing our story - which is good - the people we meet will be interested in adopting, or say good things about it to people they know who are considering adoption. Just like I tell our story about our son because I want people to know that having a kid with Down syndrome can be wonderful in many ways.

Crackers and cupcakes are both good!
More about this later...

3 Comments:

At 10:09 PM, Anonymous Leanne said...

I hope you don't mind... I passed your url on to an online friend of mine who has a Down's syndrome daughter, a real cutie who is eleven I think, homeschooled, into cds... her diary is http://ava-reborn.diaryland.com She posts lots of photos too. I wanted to say that I really appreciated your stories of not taking offence and replying with jokes. I so need to take this to heart. I lose it sometimes with the number of obvious and tedious questions and jokes about my large dog (a saint bernard) and worry I will not be as calm as I could be when I have an adopted child as well. (hoping to fosteradopt) Really your responses are inspiring. I can't remember if I left comments when I was here before but I totally love this blog. I await Gabe's eagerly.

 
At 11:09 PM, Blogger MeekoMommy said...

Well, this sounds so very familiar. My dear husband was getting some looks in the market one day by some ladies. He leaned over and said, "Yeah, my wife had the affair, but when Miracle was born, I just fell in love with her and accepted her as my own"... Affair, my butt, Miracle is adopted!!! He has funny things to say to people that stare and gawk. I prefer to either educate them or give them a quick explaination rather than give in to their pre-conceived notions or judgements.

I think it helps educate people when you can make a bit of a funny out of it.

I really want to creat adoption tee-shirts with cute sayings to that effect...

 
At 12:20 PM, Blogger Medea*Joseph said...

My husband and I are just starting the process of adoption (internationally) and I love your blog. I love your answers to the questions or stares you get. We got a paper in our packet about how to approach questions from the "supermarket" people, lol. I think your family is beautiful!

 

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